Growing up, I had really awesome self esteem. I was the chubby kid too which you would think would have held me back, but I was active [I danced until 12, marched in the band in high school] I took a foreign language, and I liked school. I had a lot of versatile friends that kept me cultured. I was smart and happy. My mom always called me a social butterfly. And then something happened. Near the end of high school my demeanor changed. I started to hear things like "conceited" and "narcissistic" and suddenly being smart wasn't cool. My grades dropped, my self esteem dropped and then in the blink of an eye I was out on my own without shelter and the world smacked me right in my baby face. It wasn't until I was like 20 that I started to have body issues. I looked at pictures and in the mirror with disgust. I felt uncomfortable not only in my clothes, but in my body.
Fast forward a bit to age 22, I decided that I was going to really do something about my weight and health. I wanted to do things the "right way", so I started seeing a weight loss counselor. [parts of my revelations discussed here were inspired by that counseling]. We addressed my body issues and the food mentalities I had developed. I started running and I was eating very healthy by anyone's standards. I read a book, "Weight of the Nation" that discussed the obesity epidemic in America and the long term issues it can have on you. And by this point I had already lost 20 lbs, I decided to go for a physical. I was pleasantly surprised to hear I was in great health. I continued to go on and lose another 18lbs. I was thrilled. But then I hit a plateau. Not only that but I felt horrible. I was tired all the time, I was sad, and despite eating next-to-nothing, the weight came creeping back on. Back to the doctor I went.
I knew that health issues ran in my family, but I wasn't prepared for this.
Long story short [I know, it's no longer a short story], I was diagnosed with depression, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, Insulin Resistance, and hypothyroidism.
You can imagine how I spent the next few years. I felt sorry for myself, I was sad, I was mad and angry, I threw in the towel on weight loss and said "What the hell?" and ate what I wanted.
THEN-- I found boudoir photography. I started shooting boudoir in the fall of 2014 and instantly became enamored with the connections I made with women. I loved hearing how awesome they felt about themselves afterwards, I loved making them feel beautiful. But it sparked something inside myself too. I started thinking that I could also have worth and value even though I had about 90 pounds to lose. I started to see a light shining through that I had not seen in years. In the fall of 2015 I did my very own boudoir session with Jenni of Modern Luxe Studios in Cleveland. I was my absolute heaviest I have ever been, I have stretch marks, and acne scars, I am small chested and have fat arms. But you know what? For one day, or even one hour, none of that mattered. I was beautiful and radiant, I felt like a rock star and I loved my images. Since then, I have refined my goal as a boudoir photographer and I want to help each and every one of you reading this, and the women you know and love to get that spark back. If you've never felt that spark, well I want to light it up! I want to lift you all up to greatness and help you to realize your full potential as a woman, a wife, a mom, a business woman, a boss-ass-bitch. I don't care who you are, your social status, your financial status, I don't care if you are a dog walker by day and a pole dancer by night- you are amazing and somehow, someway I will prove it to you.